Harsh Language
This may come across as obvious, but I enjoy language. I enjoy writing. I love reading. I’m not too much of a speaker, since I am more of a listener, but I like well-crafted speeches. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream," Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address," the inaugural addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy, and Malcolm X's "Message to the Grassroots" are all renowned speeches. Plato’s Apology is also fantastic. Anytime there is a good turn of phrase, it makes me smile. For example, I have always loved the Abbot and Costello routine of “Who’s on first?” and enjoyed the alliterative introduction by V in the movie “V for Vendetta.” I also found a clip from a news channel that managed to create their own “Who’s on first” moment.
However, each language can have its complications. I’ve seen videos on social media where someone interviews themselves and asks for a translation of several words or phrases. They conclude the video by asking, “How would you say…” leading to a series of words that sound almost identical.
I have encountered several times when someone says something, but because of a local dialect, or how they were brought up, words come out… well. Wrong. For example:
“Flustrated.” “Irregardless.” “Firstly.”
No, these words are not actual words, rather they are [incorrectly] used in the English language.
Nevertheless, speech can be amusing when words are mistaken or mangled. This is known as a Malapropism. I have heard, or collected some of the following:
- “Old Timer’s Disease” (Alzheimer’s Disease)
- “My spouse takes me for granite.” (Takes me for granted)
- “Decapitated coffee.” (Decaffeinated coffee)
- “For all intensive purposes.” (For all intents and purposes)
- “Chester drawers.” (Chest of drawers)
- “I’m not at your beckon call!” (your beck and call)
Even public speakers are not immune to them.
- “O’haire Airport is the crosswords of the nation.” Chicago Mayor Richard Daly
- “He was a man of great statue.” Boston Mayor Thomas Menino
- “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.” The master of mis-speaking, Yogi Berra.
We also have Oxymorons. If you’re not sure what that is, it is a figure of speech in which opposite statements appear together, such as Jumbo Shrimp. I recently found a list of some in my files.
- Silent Scream
- Plastic Silverware
- Negative Growth
- Living Dead
- Guest Host
- Crash Landing
- “We were the overwhelming underdogs.” The master again, Yogi Berra.
You can also ask questions:
- Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
- Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
- Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
Including some legitimate ones:
- Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Next, we have Paraprosdokians. If you want to know how to pronounce it, go ask your mother. It’s a figure of speech with a surprise or unexpected ending.
- Instead of: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” “Where’s there’s a will, I want to be in it.”
- There are three kinds of people in this world- those who can count, and those who can’t.
- War does not determine who is right- only who is left.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
- I always take life with a grain of salt: plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
- Whenever you’re tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department uses water.
To sum up: 1: Language is important, and 2. Understanding language is more important. Let us consider an objective example to demonstrate the value of language: Mathematics. I was unable to find a source for this story, but I have it dated back to 2014.
What does it mean to give more than 100%?
We’ve all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give more than 100%. How about 103%? What exactly does it mean to give 100%? Well, here is a little formula to help you answer those questions. If every letter is assigned a numerical value, for example: A-B-C-D-E, etc, is represented as 1-2-3-4-5, etc. Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K which can be represented as
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98%.
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is represented as
11+14+14+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E becomes
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5= 100%
However:
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+200= 103%
and
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118%
So, it can be proven and concluded with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, the others will put you over the top.
Now we know why and how some people are where they are.
We’ll talk again. Don’t Die